this is a cry for help

–Read this is a cry for help now, at Anvi’s Thoughts Caught–

i don’t know why,
i always try.

when you make me feel like i’m broken,
you make it so hard to believe im not worthless.

crying into my pillowcase; wiping tears underneath my glasses,
weeping in the shower; ‘course you give me anxiety in all my classes,

and i can’t do this anymore; i sigh into the phone,
wishing, dreaming, praying, wondering why, nothing’s my own.

why’d you gotta take control, why’d you gotta be so cold,
why is nothing i do enough, why can’t you believe what everyone else sees? (why can’t you see what everyone else believes?)

lonely daydreams as i crumble inside; catharsis no longer in sight,
proficiency is measured by your unattainable scales; right or wrong is just your point of view.

and the views not looking that great from back where i’m standing,
no one believes the things that are my daily life, and i-

struggle to stay afloat, drown in the weight of desires, crumble under the pressure,
fearing to be myself, frightened by the prospect of unending pleasure,

and i don’t think god exists, but then again, who am i to know?
‘cause i’m just a sheltered child, who’s never seen the falling snow.

and even now i’m scared to let the world in, open the blinds and show myself as is,
and the curtain’s rising, and i’m dying, slowly inside, ‘cause even now, i could never publish this.

THIS IS A CRY FOR HELP

ANVI TUTEJA

---

And after 762 days of procrastination and life, VALIDATION comes to a close.
All of these poems had been written pre-announcement so this unique insight into 2022 Anvi’s brain as 2024 ‘nearly-an-adult’ Anvi is delightful! I have written so much more in the past two years that I have been delaying sharing – from Vengeance and 3 am thoughts and 1 am wanderings and misplaced emotions and Gemini to my current work-in-progress best thing at this party? and my next book…
THERE! Now you know exactly what to expect for the next 5-10 years should my posting remain erratic! Seriously though, I’m gearing towards a more regulated schedule, so look forward to posting promptly so I can get through my eras of writing!

Read more from VALIDATION at Anvi’s Thoughts Caught.

Similar poems include:
– could i despise you?, ASTRONOMY
– insanity, ASTRONOMY
– Don’t You Think?, Incandescence
– SADIST, the real me, the wandering poet