And I’d say it was pure fiction, and it is (but only barely.) Also, maybe a bit different than my other poetry in wandering poet or the real me, but is actually fresh writing (and promises hope for the future, perhaps something like illusion or optional nostalgia), unlike Transcript, which spent three months in my drafts before I felt I could publish it.)
searching for something anything that could make you feel like you were worth something
Don’t worry, dear readers – I’m perfectly fine after writing this…made me feel much better, not depressed 🙂 And I’d say it was pure fiction, and it is (but only barely.) Also, maybe a bit different than my other poetry in wandering poet or the real me, but is actually fresh writing (and promises hope for the future, perhaps something like illusion or optional nostalgia), unlike Transcript, which spent three months in my drafts before I felt I could publish it.)
sometimes i don’t know why i keep trying looking for your fleeting approval you’ve got me running around wrapped around your little finger searching for something anything that could make you feel like you were worth something
but you say, ‘No.’ and it feels like the world has come crashing first, second, or last if it doesn’t even matter why do i try one, two, three, four thousand times? the losing side, don’t even try the ones who win by losing are the real illusionists
the tears are a comfort now my only solace is the freezing isolating warmth silently rolling down my cheeks i used to want to die that was then i already know i’m dead that is now
melodrama was my greatest companion but misery loved company till i came stumbling ‘round here i feel like i’m a lifetime older loneliness is the greatest hell you can never escape alone guess i’m spending an eternity down here
another thing i didn’t know way back when back Before it happened was sometimes i’d come to long for this comforting fleeting make-you-feel-alive – optional nostalgia – does this make sense? guess i’m so far gone i don’t really care
In other light news, I achieved first place in a school competition. (yay!) It was a debate about water shortage. I’ll publish my speech here too; the issue is INCREDIBLY concerning in the current times, and I hope we can all work together to achieve SDG 6: Clean Water and Sanitation.
Presenting – the latest in Reputation – Transcript
Love? (sigh) Love…convolutes things, -What do you mean?- I mean exactly that – Love complicates matters, It – It doesn’t even matter at this point.
-And what about Love? Have you never wondered?- Love is for children, and fools, And I feel privileged to consider myself neither.
Do you know why? -Why what?- Why I will never let myself love anyone, -Why?- Because youth is wasted on the young. [LEAVES] -Wait, what? Wait.- -Wait.-
they all tell me absence makes the heart grow fonder but all I can think is out of sight, out of mind, (yeah man!)
they keep telling me good things come to the good girls who wait but the place where my mind goes is time and tide don’t wait for no man (kid, I cried!)
they tell me one last thing that wise men think alike but my mama told me that fools seldom differ (believe me, I tried!)
now I’m done with what they told me because i save money just by spending it i know just one thing, that i know nothing this truly is the beginning of the ending
they think I’m stupid but I’m gonna be greater than folklore living forevermore like i already do- in this mind of mine
and i can’t hear what I’m saying can you hear me from down here in the crowd the roar of the thunder why oh why am i such a compulsive liar?
and Mr. frost said men work together whether they work together or apart what am i doing living this life whether I’m broken or not
they told me to write something radical be the punk-rock type or be the exclusionist metaphor does this suffice for you? does this work for your precious little stereotypes?
fin for now but not forever cuz they still don’t know what a liar you are.
aren’t thoughts left unsaid worse than those said out loud? for when darkness unearths our mind from within there is nothing to be done to stop the most blatant sins
and I know what I’ve said sounds just like everything said before but what is existence, if not a reiteration of all that came before man, before life, before consciousness itself? for everything that needs to have been said
has already been said by those countless others who revelled in my plight but nobody thinks to say things that I know that only I dare say they cower behind their ‘so-called wisdom’ and blame those they call ‘cursedly clever‘
you’ve heard this tale countless times before so this time I’ll keep it brief, swearedly they raved in my downfall and sought to conquer the greatest of minds and you all know the way I rose and defeated their monsters, but do you know after all lost was gained
what terrors were unleashed on my mind? do you have any idea what it’s like to be begging for just one moment of sweet mercy? just one last sweet breath of life? it is enough to break thy soul and spirit but it was never enough for them; no, they had me cursing this wretched existence
for how dare they believe they owned me? because they broke me they thought they knew me; thought they could control me the poor little dears, living in a fantasy for this time
good may not prevail over evil but an imitation of good, well, that just might do the trick the power of illusions is stronger than even the most experienced dagger and doppelgangers from the void were certainly unexpected if not unwarranted
and existence is a lie, a myth even, against the powers of a broken mind the plague god’s ruin, compulsive lies, and feigned innocence and my illusions and paradoxes will change your existence
and certainly not for the better I can promise you that, and it will end someday, maybe not today, but someday when my youth is no longer wasted on the young…
Presenting – the latest in Reputation – Reaching Cennet: An Ode to Istanbul
Reputation Presents: Reaching Cennet
Reaching Cennet: An Ode to Istanbul is an imitation of Ottoman Turkish poetry. The Turkish word – Cennet – means heaven or Elysium. If you have visited Istanbul, the Queen of Cities, comment down below!
Never before on Earth, has such a heaven been made, O regal city of Istanbul! What I would not give, What I would not sacrifice, for just one of thy holy stones, To spend but one day, flowing, wandering in your beloved visage, Floating among your sleek minarets, your beautiful mosques, and your giving heart, large,
I, weary traveller, have been searching, like the flowing, breathing Mediterranean to preserve thy life force, incessantly, for many a forlorn night, For a beauty that could yet compare, for hospitality that could rival, yet none have besmirched thy light, For even the falling, drowning tea leaves, seem to honour in thy name; yet I am standing still, waiting to be led into cennet, For I have lamented desperately searching for my sentient origin, and now, my search itself has become my origin, with no remnants,
I have spent my days eternally searching for the one to guide me, alone in the company of longing, to spare me from the world’s thorns, Laughing Roses have pricked me, and Fervent Nightingales wept for me; but now, like the Swaying Cypress, pointed flame reincarnate, incandescence is born, My Eternal Lord and Saviour has come to grant the seventh heaven, like the reed pen illuminating the plains of love and life onto this Earth, To save me from the inconstant, and in Istanbul, the seat of Sultans and Caliphates, shall I rejoice in my ceaseless mirth,
But now, only one last selfish request of mine remains, before I leave these worldly tethers, I am Wounded, and Woe is Me, for this harsh Rosegarden world, tries, erodes, and weathers, I am not the first, and I fear I will certainly not be the last, to be afflicted by this love, peerless and profound, I pray, nay, I plead; and shall sacrifice all of Persia, to see Thy sign in doves from Thy world above, steadfastly homebound.
Reaching Cennet: An Ode to Istanbul is an imitation of Ottoman Turkish poetry. The Turkish word – Cennet – means heaven or Elysium.
Never before on Earth, has such a heaven been made, O regal city of Istanbul! What I would not give, What I would not sacrifice, for just one of thy holy stones, ANVI TUTEJA
Dear readers, I understand that the plan for Reputation was unfortunately stalled for a few months – however, now, I assure you – Reputation is coming. I would like to present the tracklist for Reputation, and more poems will be added soon!
Incandescence is an anthology of poems that brings a fresh and new perspective to the realm of poetry. Incandescence symbolizes struggle and more importantly, overcoming that struggle to transcend barriers to become something truly incandescent.
Incandescence offers an unfiltered glimpse into the teenage psyche – the feeling of being overwhelmed, of wanting to be more, and the fear of being lost in the crowd of imitators.
Incandescence is a coping mechanism that offers a way to reimagine reality as we know it – all from the comfort of our own living room. With sections titled Rebellion, Emotion, Reflection, Reality Reimagined and Reputation – Incandescence has something for everybody.
Praise for Incandescence:
Foreword by Nirupama Menon Rao (retired Indian diplomat, Foreign Secretary and Ambassador)
"The impression I get from Anvi's poems is that she is a strong, independent and thinking poet! One who believes in herself, has a voice of her own and is prepared to take risks to set her own course in life! A rebel with a cause...at such a young age!!"
- Prakash Jha (Renowned film producer, actor, director and screenwriter) -
“Anvi is a very gifted young woman. Anvi’s poems are extremely soulful, yet innocent and filled with promise.”
- Roshni Nadar Malhotra (CEO - HCL Corporation and Trustee - Shiv Nadar Foundation) -
“Anvi displays a disproportionate amount of maturity and talent, and the free flow of thoughts that one reads in her poems assures us that she will continue and delight us with more sonnets yet to come.”
- Zia Mody (Founder and Managing Partner – AZB & Partners) -
"Anvi's work is striking with tones of rebellion and iconoclasm...and distinctly marked by a resolve to resist convention."
- Arun M. Kumar (Chairman & CEO – KPMG in India) -
About Incandescence:
The cards are on the table; you’re holding and I’m folding.
I don’t want to play this game, but it doesn’t change the fact that I am.
THEY know what I am.
THEY know what I’ve done.
BUT do they know who I am? Or do they see what everyone else sees? A broken enigmatist with nowhere to run? Well, if I can’t run, I’ll hide…
this is the story of fourteen years
and the fourteen months that changed it all
Incandescence paints a picture of the teenage psyche – confused, alone and scared. It talks about being brilliant, beautiful and different by simply being yourself.
By bringing together an anthology of poems, Incandescence embodies what it truly means to be human; what it means to feel scared; what it means to feel loved.
And what it means to feel like you were meant for something more.
Because you were.
And you are.
Relatable to all ages, all Incandescence needs is a cup of coffee, a reliable window seat and the will to imagine.
About The Author:Anvi Tuteja is a master mischief maker, secretly plotting world domination from her imaginary window seat in Gurgaon, India.
She’s an aspirant philosopher, first-time author and a die-hard Potter Head. She sidelines as an Oracle of Prophesies, blogger at WordPress and her family’s self-appointed movie buff.
Anvi has been reading and writing since she was three years old. For her, poetry is a coping mechanism, and in her words – one that doesn’t judge, doesn’t lie and doesn’t make you feel like you’re wrong for simply being the way you are.
Anvi Tuteja is a bundle of contradictions – she reads, but binge-watches anything Marvel; she doesn’t have a social media presence, but she writes a secret diary; and she is a walking Shakespeare encyclopedia, but also a constant music streamer.
In all her work, from her regular posts at her blogsite – http://www.anvituteja.com – to her TEDx talk about New Emerging Technologies – Anvi Tuteja does it all with heart, impatience and love.
Thank you, dear readers, for encouraging me to write more and more. Thank you for all your support (and patience!!) throughout the publishing of Incandescence.
I hope that you will remember my words, be inspired by my thoughts and laugh at my curiosity. On a closing curtain, I hope, if I am so lucky, that my poetry sneaks into a part of your heart and stays there.
Thoughts Caught 