This is the continuation of Part I of ASTRONOMY, it’s fate and we’re two worlds apart. This series is all about what introvertism means, how it feels when your best friend is on another planet, and how hard it hits to know that you have insecurity.
ASTRONOMY album cover
Astronomy, is going to be published in multiple parts, and I’m pleased to continue Part I:
flitting like the pages of a book… fleeting like the first love… falling, tumbling down the cliff… failing life’s greatest test… feeling like there’s nothing left to lose…
Presenting 1.2, love is a liar:
Presenting 1.2, love is a liar
>>believe>> and i can’t even cry, because i’m still stuck on the fact of how many times you lied,
i guess we just had bad timing, because even back then i always knew you were lying,
“and i made the mistake of falling in love with you.”
and i said ,”I don’t know what love is But I bet it’s pretty damn close to this,”
because if the world wants me dead, let it come out and kill me,
and i’m no longer into you, ’cause you were never into me,
i never knew what to do, but i took a chance thanks to your infidelity. anvi tuteja
This is the beginning Part I of ASTRONOMY, it’s fate and we’re two worlds apart. This series is all about what introvertism means, how it feels when your best friend is on another planet, and how hard it hits to know that you have insecurity.
ASTRONOMY album cover
Astronomy, is going to be published in multiple parts, and I’m pleased to begin Part I:
flitting like the pages of a book… fleeting like the first love… falling, tumbling down the cliff… failing life’s greatest test… feeling like there’s nothing left to lose…
Presenting 1.1, permanent superiority:
Presenting 1.1, permanent superiority
this crushing sense of inferiority, all bow down to your permanent superiority, i say i’m dead inside, but was i ever really alive?
life is supposed to be an amalgamation of moments, but mine is just the same period rejection playing over and over,
i look for you, to find you, but when i do, i can’t say anything because neither do you.
and i wonder, was any of it ever real? i spent my entire life trying to deduce the way i made you feel,
and now the infallible, irrefutable conclusion is here, because before i met you i never had anything to fear,
now i care about you in ways that i didn’t know i could, because this faithless heart feels illegal love, like the kind it knows it shouldn’t,
i think, right now, my only question is did you care? and on second thought, don’t tell me, because i could never handle that scare.
i’m standing and i say, “is there anyone who doesn’t know me?” you stand up and say, “i don’t know you,” and inside, i feel insincerity,
I needed you like Air, But I guess you could Breathe just fine, without me there,
this monument of a heart that’s now barely beating in broken parts,
if i knew it was time for me to leave, why would i ever this faithless love grieve? anvi tuteja
Another series I’m pleased to announce the Part I of, is ASTRONOMY, it’s fate and we’re two worlds apart. This series is all about what introvertism means, how it feels when your best friend is on another planet, and how hard it hits to know that you have insecurity.
ASTRONOMY album cover
Astronomy, is going to be published in multiple parts, and I’m pleased to announce the tracklist for Part I:
flitting like the pages of a book… fleeting like the first love… falling, tumbling down the cliff… failing life’s greatest test… feeling like there’s nothing left to lose…
ASTRONOMY 1.1 – permanent superiority this crushing sense of inferiority, all bow down to your permanent superiority, i say i’m dead inside, but was i ever really alive?
broken dreams and tried strings …and i see the rain on the roof, crash down with a vengeance, perhaps another wronged soul, making their peace, with a fallen foe, a broken path and the cracked windows…
misunderstood (the real me) …not doing this for sympathy not doing this for attention like you may think i am…
truth (the real me) …but truth is a sin and sin is a crime and crime is the only thing keeping me alive tonight…
dream (the real me) …you can steal my life but you can’t steal my right to dream, to see, to believe…
freedom (the real me) …in these restless binds here i lie chained laying in waste in your controlling hate…
existence (the real me) …good may not prevail over evil but an imitation of good, well, that just might do the trick…
paradox (the real me) …they told me to write something radical be the punk-rock type or be the exclusionist metaphor does this suffice for you? does this work for your precious little stereotypes?
sadist (the real me) …but you say, ‘No.’ and it feels like the world has come crashing…
Consider this an apology, dear readers, for the darkness and angst I put us all through with the wandering poet. For those of you who are wondering, just a while ago, I posted the incredibly dark, and maybe-fictitious SADIST.
This week, I present the latest in Reputation, Auld Lang Syne.
Presenting – the last in Reputation – Auld Lang Syne
Presenting AULD LANG SYNE
A little more context for the poem, before you read it. It’s a poem, similar to the Forevermore series, about love and it alternates POVs. It’s also based on a multitude of songs I’ve found myself recently in LOVE with. Here is a link to my SPOTIFY playlist for Auld Lang Syne: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1157T9cXOeGuyix4WygDiW?si=534f2ca549bc4510
Spotify Playlist with Conan Gray, Taylor Swift, Louis Tomlinson, Harry Styles, One Direction and more.
It’s not really meant to be romantic, but it uses the context of love to symbolize the pains of the past are “long gone,” and we should all learn to love ourselves, and look forward to the future, hence the title AULD LANG SYNE (Times Long Past). Based on how you look at it, it has either a positive, a negative or just a realistic ending.
HER I don’t want us to be easy, have a sweet relationship that’s the norm, A boy and a girl, young love from opposite dorms;
I’ve had them all before, one with a leather jacket phase, Bad boys that my daddy hates, a motorcycle ride through an urban maze;
A nice guy, with freshly pressed clothes and a regulation haircut, My mom loved his “darling‘s” and the way he liked me with no makeup;
My foreign friend, with Romanian ends, a lovely smile with matted locks, [He’s] Treading closely along the lines, they all tell me that boy’s gots the hots…
HIM I was drowning, when you came and taught me to swim, I could never tell you, but sometimes at night, I’m jealous of him;
Just the thought of you with him, all of your poetry I’ve read, All those days and weeks and months of lazy mornings, dinner dates, and late nights – it messes with my head;
Tiptoeing around, and all the words I whispered [when I was] near you – treading with caution, But now I’m tired of waiting, I’m finally standing here at your door to tell you you’re the one, that I love you, after years of all these people watching…
HER I don’t believe them – it seems too easy, love’s a truant – won’t be that damn breezy, But I think maybe you won’t be the same, because you text me in the middle of the night just to tease me,
A half-Irish boy, with curly dark hair, and your eyes that look like they care, Walking with your arm around mine, just to block their judging stares…
HIM AND HER Your whispered, ‘“I LOVE YOU’s,” at the crack of dawn, Your laughing form, watching movies with mine, Auld Lang Syne, but I’m already too far gone…
THEM In the early hours of the afternoon, the words we vowed to each other, “I’ve had many lovers, but for you, I’d wait for forever and never take another…”
(every single time you make me, fall in love with you, over again) — And you play little games, and I crave – your fleeting affections, your wandering attentions, your endless kinds of interventions,
all make me feel like we can no longer deny this connection . because I can feel it in all I say and do and speak and sing and write . because I can feel you even now when you’re over 7000 miles away – in a different timeline
borrowed clothes and spare keys – smoke, cream and all the Sundays you spent with me, — (it seems, it’s a thing of the past, that it wasn’t meant to last – but even now I can’t help but fall in love with you, even if you don’t want me to) ANVI TUTEJA
broken dreams and tried strings …and i see the rain on the roof, crash down with a vengeance, perhaps another wronged soul, making their peace, with a fallen foe, a broken path and the cracked windows…
misunderstood (the real me) …not doing this for sympathy not doing this for attention like you may think i am…
truth (the real me) …but truth is a sin and sin is a crime and crime is the only thing keeping me alive tonight…
dream (the real me) …you can steal my life but you can’t steal my right to dream, to see, to believe…
freedom (the real me) …in these restless binds here i lie chained laying in waste in your controlling hate…
existence (the real me) …good may not prevail over evil but an imitation of good, well, that just might do the trick…
paradox (the real me) …they told me to write something radical be the punk-rock type or be the exclusionist metaphor does this suffice for you? does this work for your precious little stereotypes?
sadist (the real me) …but you say, ‘No.’ and it feels like the world has come crashing…
Readers, do you remember Evly, The Evil Queen? Featured in Reputation, this acclaimed poem represents a person who has been misunderstood their entire life, through the fictional story of a Queen being denied not only her birthright but also her right to herself. In a male-dominated society, a woman, especially a Queen, is expected to maintain some degree of conformity and bow down to her male counterparts, or else she is declared “clinically” insane (as shown in writings on the wall with the semblance of the yellow wallpaper), denied a right to exist as she likes (SADIST), or declared “EVIL” and chased with pitchforks and proofs (Evly, The Evil Queen). Thus, Evly embraces her dark side and becomes the so-called “Evil Queen,” and even at her end, is content with becoming a symbol not of war, but of peace, as she leaves behind her memoirs, self-aware after having spent a lifetime begging for footnotes in the stories of other’s lives.
People tend to be creative, When they’re condemning others…
Go check out Evly, The Evil Queen now on Anvi’s Thoughts Caught, and read more such poems in Incandescence, the debut novel of Anvi Tuteja.
I was the bond, the glue, the solvent that saved the kingdom, And because I wanted more, I was no longer Daddy’s Good Little Girl, And they said, I killed the King, but I just wanted my very own Queendom.
writings on the wall – a broken dreams and tried strings edit fallen raindrops and whispered words, do the fallen raindrops, make an iridescent glow? do the words you whispered, make the winds blow – just a little more?
because i can still hear the musings, still see the writings on the wall, those blissful words we felt together,
they come back to me every time, every single time i close my eyes,
this feels like the room with yellow wallpaper, and i’m clawing desperately, trying to break free from these bonds of this mind of mine,
they tell me i’m broken, they tell me it’s the end, they tell me fighting’s hopeless, yet i persist,
i have to, i can’t stop, because if i stop, it might be forever, i can’t call swan song, because it might not be true,
all i can do is swear by the writings on the wall, waiting and wishing for the tried strings and the broken dreams, to do something, anything, after all this sh*t we went through,
and as i stand in this crumbling room, the golden hue is dying out, yet the writing on the wall is unchanged, like an unheard omen, it beckons me,
listen, it calls, if you can hear me, it whispers, do NOT let them know… ANVI TUTEJA
Thoughts Caught 