do the fallen raindrops symbolize the tears,
as broken dreams and tried strings weave,
themselves into, just another dead end,
and the letters and window frames get blown away,
into the wind, the sea, the sky where the stars embrace,
and i see the rain on the roof, crash down with a vengeance,
perhaps another wronged soul, making their peace,
with a fallen foe, a broken path and the cracked windows,
they’re making a mistake now, after the red has passed,
after the storm has broken, after the sky has fallen,
who am i? who would i be? just a person in a sea of others,
can you hear my voice, from down here in the crowds,
could i be noticed? even if my me is merely mediocre,
i don’t play a good part, i play them all off, rather badly,
and they say, all the usual things, the empty motivation,
perhaps the caffeine caused energy and the words whispered in the wind,
were merely a placeholder, for something more, the song in my soul,
the humming of pulses, the beats of the heart,
is my song, just a tune? is my life, just a page? and is the totality of me,
just a half, unwhole sum that equates to nothing; am i holding on to these threads? to these memories?
but everyday i’ll try to pick up all the pieces,
all the memories they somehow never leave me,
and my tears dry up, and the rain don’t stop,
and it’s the calm before the storm because the sky is laughing,
and the flashes of light become the last i’ll ever see,
or so it seems? who am i but the person they want me to be?
and soon, all that’s left of us, is brick and bone and heart and stone,
i become how i am remembered, a monster, a story untold,
you recorded all my mistakes, the worst of me, and called it the story of my life,
but i was so much more than how you saw me, my life was more than a cautionary tale; you told your children at night,
and now it is the end, the end of an era, an era that lasted an eternity,
i was more than a changed mind; and the torn pages of my memoirs,
where is my happily ever after? it’s never coming cause i didn’t even have a what if?
my tragic truths, my lost backlog of dreams and how they were taken all from me,
do you deny me a right to be remembered? because i fear this is how i’ll be censored…
ANVI TUTEJA
Category: Poems
Hello and Welcome to Anvi’s Thoughts Caught! Here is a complete collection of all my poems. You can also find them under the #poembyanvi! tag. Please comment and like the posts and follow this blog to get email updates!
As One Tends To Do…
As One Tends To Do is my first attempt at flash poetry, i.e, my version of micro poetry accompanied by a visual component.
My fate, my purpose, my life, I was contemplating,
As one tends to do on a regular Tuesday morning.
ANVI TUTEJA
Evly, The Evil Queen
Presenting, the latest in Reputation –
Evly, The Evil Queen
People tend to be creative,
When they’re condemning others,
Short and crisp, yet variably interpretive,
Not meant to be, just one among another,
They called me, The Evil Queen,
They called me special, they thought I was different,
But lying in wait, silently seen and unseen,
And I realised they said the same, to everyone sent,
No one knows, the face behind curtain,
Nobody cares about the face behind the veil,
And as I tread into the uncertain,
The void caved in and they said my soul was for sale,
But I was between the devil and the deep sea, (cover)
Quietly disapproving, as if their looks could kill,
And if they could, I would be dead a thousand times over,
And now its midnight, but not quite, and the world is still,
Waiting to see my reaction, Pleading to see my refraction,
And they lie in wait, not to harm but to hurt me,
And that’s the true punishment, my return from my investment,
All I get is another sneer that chips my heart, too far to see,
I was the bond, the glue, the solvent that saved the kingdom,
And because I wanted more, I was no longer Daddy’s Good Little Girl,
And they said, I killed the King, but I just wanted my very own Queendom,
And through the cracks in the mirror, the opened doors, I saw the secrets unfurl,
And I brought the truth to light, the blames that they pinned on me,
Yet it was not enough, and I became the Queen who could not leave,
They brought their pitchforks, their fires and their deepest sees,
But at least, I know now, I will finally be a symbol of peace.
ANVI TUTEJA
Drag in my Soul
Presenting – the latest in Reputation – Drag In My Soul
I think too much about what people say,
I dwell too much about one or the other way,
They drag in my soul, still innocent and whole,
They use tried strings and broken dreams,
They are devasted and in need of repair,
Their souls given up much too long ago, unscare,
But a light within me, does resist the deep sea,
Is that the devil, already claimed my soul to level?
They told me I was perfect for the job,
They were the first to say, but last to rob,
Because they say, I’ll never get out of their way,
Yet I resist, even though they told me it was pointless,
Yes, they drag in my soul, into this little sadistic game of theirs,
Yet I stay calm, not a hair out of place,
I have no fear, because I have heard it all, their leers,
And that may just be, something that saves me,
I got out of there in time, or rather they left,
For it seems my life is just impossible to wreck,
And I smile, because it seems it worked, all the while,
I can finally go back to being me, for I’m certainly more than what the eye sees.
ANVI TUTEJA
Tell Me What To Be
Presenting – the latest in Reputation – Tell Me What to Be
There is a drag in my soul, listless,
I am at the end of a winding road, endless,
They tell me what to be,
And they end up crossing me,
In the dead of night, when the world sleeps,
The only friend I have left,
Is one not worth having, (correct),
I ask them, “Tell me what to do.”
But they don’t have time to,
And then I hear them laughing as I weep,
And I try to be selfless,
But they take advantage of my rest,
And I’m left alone with no value,
Because it was me who undervalued,
All of myself and all of my own worth,
But now I know better, saw the cracks in the mirror,
I thought I was a failure, someone else’s actor,
But it turns out they were pulling the string b’hind the curtain,
Now I’m stronger, or at least I’ll be, of that I am certain,
Because I know now, life isn’t based on money, honour or birth.
ANVI TUTEJA
Time Doesn’t Only Heal Wounds…
Presenting – the latest in Reputation – Time Doesn’t Only Heal Wounds…
A childhood friend, who moved away,
A golden chain, which fell astray,
The Last Hour, which was far too short,
The Palm Tree, unnoticed in a hotel resort,
A happy childhood is worth far more,
Than all the gold, The dream door,
I wonder if I forget, these memories in the making,
Am I losing out on these moments I’m living?
The bubbling innocence, that stayed the race,
A darling dress, with the buttons out of place,
The marked doorjamb, with height – enlist,
The training wheels, that sort of disappeared into the mist,
However, it all faded away, they say – you’re older now,
But what if I don’t want to forget these, if time allows,
They say, Time heals all wounds, but I don’t think that’s the case,
Because, otherwise, it’s just a bittersweet never-ending race,
The fish in the bowl, which I fed each day,
The old cocktail glasses, whose remains on the floor lay,
The antique watches, that stopped their ticking,
The neighbourhood dog, who all night kept barking,
These moments I am living, maybe dreams that I’m crushing,
Because I miss them, I miss you, in the growing-up rushing,
I can’t let these things slip, out of my mind,
Because if it’s true, I don’t want to heal the wounds, that remind…
PART 2 Coming Soon…
Deal With Death
Hello everyone, I realised I haven’t been posting for a while and I truly am sorry. As it turns out, 9th Grade is as hard, if not harder, than all its preconceptions.
So, consider this poem as an apology and a reminder that I still exist and I haven’t forgotten my WordPress password (again!)
Presenting – the latest in Reputation – Deal With Death I
The cards already on the table,
The wind blowing in from the gables,
You’re holding and I’m folding,
Oh, why can’t I have the perfect ending?
I don’t want to play these games,
But it doesn’t change the fact I am, all the same,
I throw my Kings down, right next to your Ace,
It seems you will always be first in the Race,
And you smile and hold out your hand,
We’ve done this before, just a routine in this land,
The soft clicks of gold and silver and brass,
And then you laugh your wicked laugh and all does amass,
And the setting’s changed, not all’s the same now,
You’ve got a wicked black crown now, but I’m not going to bow,
The wind blows my hair, and I feel like a fairy tale gone wrong,
You’re still the villain but I was never the princess of the song,
And the relentless, wretched wind blows your black cloak away,
As the curtains unclose, I stifle a scream as I don’t know what to say,
It all makes sense now as the pieces slowly fall into place,
The voice, The ghosts, The memories, The body and The Broken Mace,
The golden chain, the last hour, and the deal we made,
As the horrifying reality makes haste and nestles in, bed unmade,
I am a survivor, a cardsharp – but it was no match for the sword-sheath,
I was made a fool, but I must reconcile – because I made the deal with death.
PART 2 Coming Soon…
Masterpiece
Reputation Presents – the inspiring Masterpiece
They tell me I’m worthless, and I cry into my pillow at night,
But now, with this new found strength, I finally know I’m right,
They think if they say it enough times, I’ll believe it’s true,
But I’m satisfied with myself and don’t need approval to do,
Don’t you leave me hang, hanging like the Mona Lisa,
Or alone at the customs with a hand made visa,
‘Cause trust me, I’ll find you, the one who did this to me,
And you may think I’m broken, but I still have two eyes to see,
And all I can see, from where I’m standing here alone,
The water’s a-moving, The shadows cast onto stone,
And I can see your time, as clear as that mirror of mine,
I don’t think you realise, boy, get in line,
I don’t need you tell me, who to be,
‘Cause I’m a perfect, custom-made Masterpiece,
And you may think you had me under your spell,
But I’m the one pulling the shots, have been since the day of Fell,
Yeah, that’s what they call me – Lady with the Lease,
Right after they acknowledge me as the Masterpiece,
Nothing you can do, No tricks to pull, Today, I’m setting us both free,
And this power is mine, so is the land as far as the eye can see,
You had once said, “The darkness is inside,”
But now I know, you were just the devil in disguise.
ANVI TUTEJA
-with you till the end of the line, pal-
Queen of Mean & Crumbling Utopia
Reputation Presents – the joint sequel of Queen of Mean & Crumbling Utopia
They say:
“When you can’t hide, run,
When you can’t run, hide.”
It was perfect, the moment I walked in,
Engineered to be an enigma, never before seen,
What do they expect? No place for crime, war or even sin,
Society is quietly disapproving, no place for a Queen of Mean,
Yeah, they knew who I was. Didn’t know who I’ve become,
I’d like to believe, I’m the perfect example,
But, I think they know, that I’m just out of time to run,
But, for what it’s worth, it’s just a plan that’s cancelled,
No one really knows, who I am, but all they know, what I am,
A liar, a killer, a charmingly conniving thief, and they’re convinced –
This is all I’ll ever be; Redemption? Their perfect selves don’t give a damn,
But their opinion, their faith doesn’t matter to me – their Mesmer I’ll resist,
Because I’ve done it so far, I’ve done it well enough,
Acting nonchalant, Acting like their words don’t cut into my heart,
I’m not running for my life, till I’m at my last card, called out on my last bluff,
But till then, their perfect society, I’ll be a perfect part,
The final piece to the puzzle, The final stroke of the clock, it’s the Race…
They think I’m their saviour, but I’m just an enigmatist,
Spinning con game, now they’re stuck between a rock and a hard place,
Their perfect society hasn’t bothered to check the most wanted blacklist,
Where I’m first, second and last, Oh, they don’t dare check up on my past,
Because here even the criminals are treated as honoured guests,
And it may not be Madripoor, but it sure ain’t downcast, (either),
So let them sit back, ignorant in their ivory towers; I’ll put their minds to rest,
Because I’m unpredictable, and clever, and a fighter ’till my last trick,
And guess what, that ignorant Daddy’s Girl is now the greatest assassin of the West,
But that’s enough about me, ’cause self-pity makes me sick,
And you may think I’m hypocritical, overselling and irrational, like all the rest,
But underestimating me was your first mistake and it won’t be your last,
But just in case it was unclear, I don’t mean a storm right now,
I don’t need that kind of trauma, the invigorating drama, that’s all in the past,
A quiet life for me now, but the con’ll catch up – like it always does; but if you know a better way, be sure to tell me how.
ANVI TUTEJA
-with you till the end of the line, pal-
Strangers
Presenting – the latest in Reputation – Strangers
Had to stay at home, away from the dangers,
Now we meet again, and we just feel like strangers,
Is it just me, or does this feel forced?
Like this game is something into which we’ve been coerced,
Because it’s 2 years later, we’ve never been better,
But why do I feel like I must be perfect, right down to the letter,
We were closer than close,
Now this just feels like remorse,
All my friends say I’m in denial,
But it’s a wedding ring turned ending, no walking down the aisle,
Everyone acts like they know how it feels,
The truth is – none of them are keeping it real,
People think the opposite of love is hatred, but it isn’t,
Because the absence of love, is indifference,
And now I’m indifferent to you, less than strangers,
Now, we both now, we were never ever gonna be free from the dangers,
And we’re less than strangers, no kindness to spare,
Because what we had was a love oh too rare,
And stronger than lover’s love is lover’s hate,
Incurable in each, the wounds they make,
And now I can feel the rage flowing through my body, through my veins,
But I want you to know, I prayed it was you at my door in the rain,
Bu it’s a wedding ring turned ending and I’ve got no forgiveness,
For the one who broke my heart and left me helpless,
And you may think this is an apology, forgive and forget,
But I was never your hopeful, just a memory to regret,
Don’t need your hatred, Don’t need your love, Don’t need anything at all,
You fell from the pedestal, but I’m done breaking your fall,
And now this is goodbye, because I’ve never been better,
Don’t need to follow behind, Because I’m a trendsetter.
ANVI TUTEJA
-with you till the end of the line, pal-
Thoughts Caught 