Category: Poems

This is the ultimate poem of Part I of ASTRONOMY, it’s fate and we’re two worlds apart. This series is all about what introvertism means, how it feels when your best friend is on another planet, and how hard it hits to know that you have insecurity. 

Astronomy, is going to be published in multiple parts, and I’m pleased to present the ultimate poem Part I:

Presenting 1.6, untitled:

i feel like i’m a different person on the inside and outside of me,
who i truly am, beyond this body, it’s deeds, isn’t the me the world sees,
they see me for someone i’m not – the tears, the jealously, and the drama,
i take about who i am, really am, and they laugh in my face and say it’s karma,

and i’ve crossed this out – one, two, three four thousand times,
crossed out scars, and two many i’m sorry’s,
too many pauses, and fallings out, to make coherent sense,

i don’t know where this is going, and now i want to laugh,
seems this coping mechanism has been working oh too fast.
anvi tuteja

This is the penultimate poem of Part I of ASTRONOMY, it’s fate and we’re two worlds apart. This series is all about what introvertism means, how it feels when your best friend is on another planet, and how hard it hits to know that you have insecurity. 

Astronomy, is going to be published in multiple parts, and I’m pleased to present the penultimate poem Part I:

Presenting 1.5, purple flowers:

Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice,
From what I’ve tasted of desire,
I hold with those who favour fire.

Fire and Ice, Robert Frost

Because I could not stop for death,
He kindly stopped for me,
The Carriage held but just ourselves,
And Immortality.

Because I could not stop for death, Emily Dickinson

Sometimes I wonder, if you even know I exist,
Because forget my advances, even my conversations you resist,
And I’ve been told not to feel this way,
What way? At this point, it’s my existence, and even that you want to take away.

You take and I give,
I die and you live,
Could I get a few moments, where maybe, just maybe, you could like me?
And I could pretend, that this loneliness isn’t frightening.

And this entangled web of failing friends,
These insane dead ends.

I know you don’t want me,
but why do you want her?
If I died today,
would you even give a damn tomorrow?

Would you come to my funeral, and leave purple flowers at my grave?
Or would you go to her house, and attend the latest rave?

Is it such a crime to want me?
Have I been anything but cordial?
Anything but as polite as could be?

Do you even care about my existence?
Will I ever be enough for you?
anvi tuteja

This is the continuation of Part I of ASTRONOMY, it’s fate and we’re two worlds apart. This series is all about what introvertism means, how it feels when your best friend is on another planet, and how hard it hits to know that you have insecurity. 

Astronomy, is going to be published in multiple parts, and I’m pleased to continue Part I:

Presenting 1.4, could i despise you?:

Have you ever met one of those people,
The ones towards you gravitate, seemingly by principle?
I’d say I’d used to be one, but by now I think you know me,
Enough to know that’s something I could never be.

Could I despise you?
If I never even knew you?
Because I’ve seen you,
Too many times for my accusations to be branded untrue.

But if you don’t even see me,
Do I even matter, because I’m used to it?
Could anyone ever be used to feeling used?
Needed for not the sake of being needed,
Wanted for only a moment, where YOU can take a laugh.

Because am I a device through which you expel your negativity?
A means for you to cleanse your soul,
Before you take what we made together, and call it your own.

And we’ve all seen what happens when I take your side,
We crash and burn, and I ruin my life and feel dead inside.

“But where is the flow going?” is what I need to know.
Need to Know.
Desperately.

‘Cause where is this going?
‘Cause where are we going?

My identity, my existence is “Repetitive,”
And I’m afraid, someday I’ll believe it.
anvi tuteja

This is the continuation of Part I of ASTRONOMY, it’s fate and we’re two worlds apart. This series is all about what introvertism means, how it feels when your best friend is on another planet, and how hard it hits to know that you have insecurity. 

Astronomy, is going to be published in multiple parts, and I’m pleased to continue Part I:

Presenting 1.3, insanity:

Whenever I’m around you
I get this crushing sense of inferiority,
This feeling of being slave to your fleeting fidelity,
And it seems, I’m the only one to blame,
And it’s always on me that you don’t feel the same,

Are you the definition of insanity? Or am I?
Oh, it must be nice to love someone who lets you break them twice. ¹

And every moment feels like another hit to my armour,
A crack in my cruel soul,

I think I found solace in writing these,
Because I never believed them to be true,
But now it seems, these words that I leased,
Have turned my heart traitor, and it always comes back to you,

I was never capable of feeling,
And I felt like my soul was screaming.
Drowning.
Drowning in the weight of expectations that weren’t even mine.
And now even existing feels like a crime.
anvi tuteja

¹ Lyric by FINNEAS from Break My Heart Again. Not intended to violate copyright or claim as intellectual property.

This is the continuation of Part I of ASTRONOMY, it’s fate and we’re two worlds apart. This series is all about what introvertism means, how it feels when your best friend is on another planet, and how hard it hits to know that you have insecurity. 

Astronomy, is going to be published in multiple parts, and I’m pleased to continue Part I:

Presenting 1.2, love is a liar:

>>believe>>
and i can’t even cry,
because i’m still stuck on the fact of how many times you lied,

i guess we just had bad timing,
because even back then i always knew you were lying,

“and i made the mistake of falling in love with you.”

and i said ,”I don’t know what love is
But I bet it’s pretty damn close to this,”

because if the world wants me dead,
let it come out and kill me,

and i’m no longer into you,
’cause you were never into me,

i never knew what to do,
but i took a chance thanks to your infidelity.
anvi tuteja

Another series I’m pleased to announce the Part I of, is ASTRONOMY, it’s fate and we’re two worlds apart. This series is all about what introvertism means, how it feels when your best friend is on another planet, and how hard it hits to know that you have insecurity. 

Astronomy, is going to be published in multiple parts, and I’m pleased to announce the tracklist for Part I:

ASTRONOMY 1.1 – permanent superiority
this crushing sense of inferiority,
all bow down to your permanent superiority,
i say i’m dead inside,
but was i ever really alive?