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Anvi Tuteja, Poems, the real me, the wandering poet

paradox

they all tell me
absence makes the heart grow fonder
but all I can think is
out of sight, out of mind, (yeah man!)

they keep telling me
good things come to the good girls who wait
but the place where my mind goes is
time and tide don’t wait for no man (kid, I cried!)

they tell me one last thing
that wise men think alike
but my mama told me
that fools seldom differ (believe me, I tried!)


now I’m done with what they told me
because i save money just by spending it
i know just one thing, that i know nothing
this truly is the beginning of the ending

they think I’m stupid
but I’m gonna be greater than folklore
living forevermore
like i already do- in this mind of mine

and i can’t hear what I’m saying
can you hear me from down here in the crowd
the roar of the thunder
why oh why am i such a compulsive liar?

and Mr. frost said
men work together whether they work together or apart
what am i doing
living this life whether I’m broken or not

they told me to write something radical
be the punk-rock type or be the exclusionist metaphor
does this suffice for you?
does this work for your precious little stereotypes?

fin for now
but not forever
cuz they still don’t know
what a liar you are.

ANVI TUTEJA
This Cannot Be The Ending.

Anvi Tuteja, Short Stories, Write-Ups

Judged and Found Wanting: A Verdict by Anvi Tuteja

My name was carved on a rock outside our home the night I was born. That’s what my parents tell me. It was etched in jagged letters with the cryptic inscription Name of Your Child preceding it. 

***

The rock had always been a source of intrigue, and mystery for me. Ever since the first time my parents told me the story – when I was six years old, staring up at my parents, spellbound – I have been captivated by my naming grace – a rock, believe it or not.

They told me it was Fate. The Fates themselves had come to bless me on my day of birth. With their strings of life, a new strand was created – just for me, and was imbibed in the roots of the most ancient tree, or so the legend went. By their transformative magic, the Fates breathed my name onto the root and a rock emerged, bearing my name.

“But what happened to the rock?” I asked them when I grew up.

“Well, it disappeared the day after we named you.” 

“And the tree?” I inquired. “What happened to the most ancient tree, thrice blessed by the Fates?”

“It still grows in our yard, serving as a remembrance of the spirit living on in you.”

All of this felt too cryptic, too convenient, and definitely, more than a little conspicuous. Thus, one fine, boiling, summer afternoon, usual for the month of July, I reached the so called ‘ancient tree’, hidden among the dozens of others in our yard, though a more apt word would be forest or even the woodland behind our house.

The tree looked nothing special, certainly not special enough to worthy of the Three Fates themselves. I peered carefully ‘round it’s slightly yellowing bark, reddish-green leaves and glanced at the small, almost completely invisible inscription under the third branch on the left. My Initials.

I had discovered them ages ago, and as far as I knew, no one but me could see them. I showed them to my parents, friends, the neighbourhood mailman and even my family dog – Daisy. Their only reaction had been a nonchalant glance, a bored shrug, a concerned shoulder pat and a quizzical bark. (The last one clearly being Daisy’s reaction – before she ran around the trees, looking for a stick for me to throw.)

I brushed my fingers against the mark; it was cold as ice. I frowned. That was strange, in this boiling heat, it should have been warm, at the very least, if not sizzling. I traced the elaborate curves of the letter, and suddenly, a freezing wind suddenly broke through the humid July weather.

The chilly breeze had me clinging to the tree’s trunk as it was dizzyingly frigid. It seemed to pull at my very soul and turned my veins to ice. I heard a thousand sorrows in my mind, and a plaguing scream struck through my mind. The water droplets clung to my skin and reminded me of my worst nightmares – it was all too much for me. I was starting to fade away…

And soon, somehow, as mysteriously as it first arrived, it dissipated, and the temperature around me cooled, as the leaves of the ancient tree stopped swaying. But I noticed that every other tree was still being pulled into the freezing wind, shaking desperately with each howl of the wind.

As soon as I stepped out of the protective radius of the tree, the sinking, freezing feeling returned and I clawed my way back desperately to the tree, which was somehow protecting me from the gales.

I once again brushed my palm against the Initials and they seemed to work as a trigger, and the hellish wind once again ceased, but this time – seemingly for good.

I was shellshocked, and I leaned with my back against the tree to suck in a breath of sweet mercy and life. Sweet, precious life, which I would never gamble with again.

A terrible thought rooted in my mind, and I could not stop it from flourishing. With a sinking feeling in my stomach, I knew where I had heard of that cold, hellish feeling before.

It was from the birthplace of the Fates – the residence of the unWanted’s of the Mourning Fields and the destroyer of souls. The plaguing noises were a Calling from the Underworld themselves. Hades’ minions were Calling to me and the terrible sounds were the screams of the Damned in Tartarus. The water which now still clung to my skin was from the Acheron, born of the Styx and the Cocytus, hatred and misery, uniting to form pain.

My knees gave out and I sunk to the ground, one arm still wrapped around the tree trunk for support that could no longer help me, carry me and I realised, protect me. The tree had protected me for years, and now, by foolishly invoking Hades’ daimons, I had revoked that protection and turned my back on the Fates.

My head leaned back against the tree, and I heard a piercing voice in my head, that somehow seemed to echo all around me. The cruel laughing voice was instantly recognizable. Hades.

“Desire is a dangerous thing, little Mortal,” he tutted, still laughing. “You shall pay for the sins of your past life. Your misdemeanours in Elysium’s fields. Your curious misadventures in the Mourning Fields. Wandering in Asphodel can make you mortals insane; did you forget that?” he taunted.

And, delivering the death blow, he said: “You had been warned, Mortal. And now you have been cursed. You have been judged and have been found Wanting.”

And his cruel laugh echoed, like a poisoned rose’s thorn, a lost heir’s birth right, and the broken crown’s shine, all the way down to the Underworld.

Fin.

ANVI TUTEJA
Will This Be The Ending?

Anvi Tuteja, Poems, the real me, the wandering poet

existence

aren’t thoughts left unsaid
worse than those said out loud?
for when darkness unearths our mind from within
there is nothing to be done to stop the most blatant sins

and I know what I’ve said sounds just like everything said before
but what is existence, if not a reiteration of all that came
before man, before life, before consciousness itself?
for everything that needs to have been said

has already been said
by those countless others who revelled in my plight
but nobody thinks to say things that I know that only I dare say
they cower behind their ‘so-called wisdom’ and blame those they call ‘cursedly clever

you’ve heard this tale countless times before so this time I’ll keep it brief, swearedly
they raved in my downfall and sought to conquer the greatest of minds
and you all know the way I rose and defeated their monsters,
but do you know after all lost was gained

what terrors were unleashed on my mind? do you have any idea
what it’s like to be begging for just one moment of sweet mercy?
just one last sweet breath of life? it is enough to break thy soul and spirit
but it was never enough for them; no, they had me cursing this wretched existence

for how dare they believe they owned me? because they broke me
they thought they knew me; thought they could control me
the poor little dears, living in a fantasy
for this time

good may not prevail over evil
but an imitation of good, well, that just might do the trick
the power of illusions is stronger than even the most experienced dagger
and doppelgangers from the void were certainly unexpected if not unwarranted

and existence is a lie, a myth even, against the powers of a broken mind
the plague god’s ruin, compulsive lies, and feigned innocence
and my illusions and paradoxes
will change your existence

and certainly not for the better
I can promise you that, and it will end
someday, maybe not today, but someday
when my youth is no longer wasted on the young…

ANVI TUTEJA
I Vow This Won’t Be My Ending…

Anvi Tuteja, Notice, Other, Quotes and More

Out of My Part

Hallo, readers, and Guten Morgen. Anvi here.
Today, my school began once again after the week of Diwali holidays we had. In memory of such a sad and distasteful day (uh, I mean, a very bright and hopeful day, of course. sure.), I would like to present a quote from the Bard himself to provide solace in these times.
Also, if you ever feel the need to inexplicable forget the answer to a question, please use the following quote, I can safely (not) guarantee that it’ll help you out.

I can say little more than I have studied, and that question's out of my part. 
— William Shakespeare

Vielen Dank für ihrer Aufmerksamkeit,
Anvi Tuteja.

Anvi Tuteja, Books, Notice, Other

Incandescence: Buy Now!

Anvi Tuteja presents: Incandescence
#reputation!, Anvi Tuteja, Poems

Reaching Cennet: An Ode to Istanbul

Presenting – the latest in ReputationReaching Cennet: An Ode to Istanbul

Reputation Presents: Reaching Cennet

Reaching Cennet: An Ode to Istanbul is an imitation of Ottoman Turkish poetry. The Turkish word – Cennet – means heaven or Elysium.
If you have visited Istanbul, the Queen of Cities, comment down below!

Never before on Earth, has such a heaven been made, O regal city of Istanbul!
What I would not give, What I would not sacrifice, for just one of thy holy stones,
To spend but one day, flowing, wandering in your beloved visage,
Floating among your sleek minarets, your beautiful mosques, and your giving heart, large,

I, weary traveller, have been searching, like the flowing, breathing Mediterranean to preserve thy life force, incessantly, for many a forlorn night,
For a beauty that could yet compare, for hospitality that could rival, yet none have besmirched thy light,
For even the falling, drowning tea leaves, seem to honour in thy name; yet I am standing still, waiting to be led into cennet,
For I have lamented desperately searching for my sentient origin, and now, my search itself has become my origin, with no remnants,

I have spent my days eternally searching for the one to guide me, alone in the company of longing, to spare me from the world’s thorns,
Laughing Roses have pricked me, and Fervent Nightingales wept for me; but now, like the Swaying Cypress, pointed flame reincarnate, incandescence is born,
My Eternal Lord and Saviour has come to grant the seventh heaven, like the reed pen illuminating the plains of love and life onto this Earth,
To save me from the inconstant, and in Istanbul, the seat of Sultans and Caliphates, shall I rejoice in my ceaseless mirth,

But now, only one last selfish request of mine remains, before I leave these worldly tethers,
I am Wounded, and Woe is Me, for this harsh Rosegarden world, tries, erodes, and weathers,
I am not the first, and I fear I will certainly not be the last, to be afflicted by this love, peerless and profound,
I pray, nay, I plead; and shall sacrifice all of Persia, to see Thy sign in doves from Thy world above, steadfastly homebound.

ANVI TUTEJA

#reputation!, Anvi Tuteja, Notice, Poems

Teaser: Reaching Cennet

Teaser for Reaching Cennet: An Ode to Istanbul

Reaching Cennet: An Ode to Istanbul is an imitation of Ottoman Turkish poetry. The Turkish word – Cennet – means heaven or Elysium.

Never before on Earth, has such a heaven been made, O regal city of Istanbul!
What I would not give, What I would not sacrifice, for just one of thy holy stones,
ANVI TUTEJA

Anvi Tuteja, the real me, the wandering poet

freedom

freedom is a lie
what does it mean
to be free?

for we are all meant to
find the thing we are meant to
do, in this life
in this plane of existence
you all at least owe me that much

after all the trysts, quests and
unyielding searches
do not i, too, deserve a chance
to live? live a life that is free
or at the very least – an imitation of freedom?

in these restless binds
here i lie chained
laying in waste in your controlling hate

i don’t even know
what you want from me
sometimes i just don’t understand
if i could ever live up to
your unreal domineering shadow

and i wish with all my heart
that my dreams, that my visions
remain forever mine
and true; for if real life fails me
yet again; i still have my reality

don’t they see that freedom
is just a lie; because like happiness
it’ll come to bite you back

pain has consumed them
loss has consumed you
fear once consumed me
but i’m done letting thralldom hold me back
i’ve got a new path – vengeance

call me misguided
call me a cheat
call me an outcast
but trust me, this is know is true
freedom is greater my own

i wish i had just 20 seconds
of love/of light/of lapse
60 seconds, a mere minute, of life

ANVI TUTEJA
I Wish This Wasn’t The End…

#reputation!, Anvi Tuteja, Notice, Poems

Presenting – the tracklist for Reputation

Dear readers,
I understand that the plan for Reputation was unfortunately stalled for a few months – however, now, I assure you – Reputation is coming.
I would like to present the tracklist for Reputation, and more poems will be added soon!

1. Queen of Nowhere (Part I of the Queen series)
2. Stories
3. Strangers
4. Queen of Mean & Crumbling Utopia (Sequel to the unpublished Queen of Mean and unpublished Crumbling Utopia - both coming soon; Queen of Mean is part II of the Queen series and Crumbling Utopia is part III of the Utopia/Dystopia Series)
5. Masterpiece
6. Deal With Death I (Part I of Deal of Death Series)
7. Time Doesn't Only Heal Wounds... (Part I of the Time Causes Wounds 
8. Tell Me What To Be
9. Drag In My Soul
10. Evly, The Evil Queen
11. As One Tends To Do (flash poetry)
12. Reaching Cennet: An Ode to Istanbul (teaser here)
13. Transcript
14. SEVEN TIMES: that's how many times i've fallen in love with you - OVER AGAIN
(over again) - An Interlude
15. Auld Lang Syne

And that’s it for now. Reputation has come to a close.
Check out more about Reputation here: https://anvituteja.com/reputationtheseries/

Thank you,
Anvi Tuteja.

Anvi Tuteja, Books, Poems

My Latest Book – Incandescence!

Dear readers,
I am elated to share with you all my latest poetic endeavour – my first published book, entitled Incandescence.

https://anvituteja.com/incandescence/

https://anvituteja.com/incandescence/

Incandescence is an anthology of poems that brings a fresh and new perspective to the realm of poetry. Incandescence symbolizes struggle and more importantly, overcoming that struggle to transcend barriers to become something truly incandescent.

Incandescence offers an unfiltered glimpse into the teenage psyche – the feeling of being overwhelmed, of wanting to be more, and the fear of being lost in the crowd of imitators.

Incandescence is a coping mechanism that offers a way to reimagine reality as we know it – all from the comfort of our own living room. With sections titled Rebellion, Emotion, Reflection, Reality Reimagined and Reputation – Incandescence has something for everybody.

Praise for Incandescence:
Foreword by Nirupama Menon Rao (retired Indian diplomat, Foreign Secretary and Ambassador)

"The impression I get from Anvi's poems is that she is a strong, independent and thinking poet!  One who believes in herself, has a voice of her own and is prepared to take risks to set her own course in life! A rebel with a cause...at such a young age!!"
- Prakash Jha (Renowned film producer, actor, director and screenwriter) - 

“Anvi is a very gifted young woman. Anvi’s poems are extremely soulful, yet innocent and filled with promise.”
- Roshni Nadar Malhotra (CEO - HCL Corporation and Trustee - Shiv Nadar Foundation) -

“Anvi displays a disproportionate amount of maturity and talent, and the free flow of thoughts that one reads in her poems assures us that she will continue and delight us with more sonnets yet to come.”
- Zia Mody (Founder and Managing Partner – AZB & Partners) -

"Anvi's work is striking with tones of rebellion and iconoclasm...and distinctly marked by a resolve to resist convention."
- Arun M. Kumar (Chairman & CEO – KPMG in India) -
About Incandescence:
The cards are on the table; you’re holding and I’m folding.
I don’t want to play this game, but it doesn’t change the fact that I am.

THEY know what I am.
THEY know what I’ve done.
BUT do they know who I am? Or do they see what everyone else sees? A broken enigmatist with nowhere to run? Well, if I can’t run, I’ll hide…

this is the story of fourteen years
and the fourteen months that changed it all

Incandescence paints a picture of the teenage psyche – confused, alone and scared. It talks about being brilliant, beautiful and different by simply being yourself. 

By bringing together an anthology of poems, Incandescence embodies what it truly means to be human; what it means to feel scared; what it means to feel loved.

And what it means to feel like you were meant for something more.
Because you were.
And you are.

Relatable to all ages, all Incandescence needs is a cup of coffee, a reliable window seat and the will to imagine.
About The Author:

Anvi Tuteja is a master mischief maker, secretly plotting world domination from her imaginary window seat in Gurgaon, India. 
She’s an aspirant philosopher, first-time author and a die-hard Potter Head. She sidelines as an Oracle of Prophesies, blogger at WordPress and her family’s self-appointed movie buff.

Anvi has been reading and writing since she was three years old. For her, poetry is a coping mechanism, and in her words – one that doesn’t judge, doesn’t lie and doesn’t make you feel like you’re wrong for simply being the way you are.

Anvi Tuteja is a bundle of contradictions – she reads, but binge-watches anything Marvel; she doesn’t have a social media presence, but she writes a secret diary; and she is a walking Shakespeare encyclopedia, but also a constant music streamer.

In all her work, from her regular posts at her blogsite – http://www.anvituteja.com – to her TEDx talk about New Emerging Technologies – Anvi Tuteja does it all with heart, impatience and love.

Thank you, dear readers, for encouraging me to write more and more. Thank you for all your support (and patience!!) throughout the publishing of Incandescence.

I hope that you will remember my words, be inspired by my thoughts and laugh at my curiosity. On a closing curtain, I hope, if I am so lucky, that my poetry sneaks into a part of your heart and stays there.

Read a Teaser of the Book here…