Anvi Tuteja, Poems, the real me, the wandering poet

existence

aren’t thoughts left unsaid
worse than those said out loud?
for when darkness unearths our mind from within
there is nothing to be done to stop the most blatant sins

and I know what I’ve said sounds just like everything said before
but what is existence, if not a reiteration of all that came
before man, before life, before consciousness itself?
for everything that needs to have been said

has already been said
by those countless others who revelled in my plight
but nobody thinks to say things that I know that only I dare say
they cower behind their ‘so-called wisdom’ and blame those they call ‘cursedly clever

you’ve heard this tale countless times before so this time I’ll keep it brief, swearedly
they raved in my downfall and sought to conquer the greatest of minds
and you all know the way I rose and defeated their monsters,
but do you know after all lost was gained

what terrors were unleashed on my mind? do you have any idea
what it’s like to be begging for just one moment of sweet mercy?
just one last sweet breath of life? it is enough to break thy soul and spirit
but it was never enough for them; no, they had me cursing this wretched existence

for how dare they believe they owned me? because they broke me
they thought they knew me; thought they could control me
the poor little dears, living in a fantasy
for this time

good may not prevail over evil
but an imitation of good, well, that just might do the trick
the power of illusions is stronger than even the most experienced dagger
and doppelgangers from the void were certainly unexpected if not unwarranted

and existence is a lie, a myth even, against the powers of a broken mind
the plague god’s ruin, compulsive lies, and feigned innocence
and my illusions and paradoxes
will change your existence

and certainly not for the better
I can promise you that, and it will end
someday, maybe not today, but someday
when my youth is no longer wasted on the young…

ANVI TUTEJA
I Vow This Won’t Be My Ending…