April 2021 – Thoughts Caught

Love Feels Like Loneliness

April 29, 2021April 29, 2021 anvituteja

I don’t know this feeling, it’s a dragging in my soul,
I don’t know how I’m gonna come out of this- complete and whole,
I can’t tell if I’m still thinking,
Don’t even know now, how to keep on living,

I sit here alone in the dark,
On a terrifying tale, has my soul embark,
And now I know, now I’m mature,
Mature enough to know – it’s all part of nature,

Now I know the despairs,
Of a broken heart rare,
They tried to shield me from the dangers,
But they just pushed me away, and now we feel like strangers,

And now I know, sometimes – Love Feels Like Loneliness,
And your love has now turned to carelessness,
You did what was you though was best and I thank you for that,
But I haven’t heard from you in years, and I don’t know where you’re at,

I loved you both, I loved them all, but you left me behind,
And thoughts and what ifs are all that do surround my mind,
Your Love Feels Like Loneliness, and there’s nothing I can do,
That’ll make you stay, ’cause you’re already on your way, (that’s true,)

And I know that I’ll be fine, someday, yeah, someday,
But all I know is that someday, isn’t going to be, no god forbid, today,
And now you’re out of this mind of mine,
And no, I’m never going to be fine,

Because yes, I loved you, and I think that I still do,
Yes, I now that I do, but do you?
Because to me, your Love Feels Like Loneliness,
But to you, did my love feels like Nothingness?

L – O – N – E – L – Y, why don’t you stop living that lie,
L – O – N – E – L – Y, how do you feel? Tell me why?
And I love you, but I don’t think you know – this is for you,
Especially after all I’ve done, you wouldn’t know if I was true,

But this is sorry, not goodbye, because I still love you after all them lies,
You did it for my own good, and I didn’t know about my wiles,
And I love you, because Your Love Feels Like Loneliness,
And I never realised how much, I needed your Happiness.
ANVI TUTEJA

-with you till the end of the line, pal-

Anvi Tuteja, Poems

False Idol

April 28, 2021April 28, 2021 anvituteja

There are no heroes in the history books,
Because not everything is as it looks.
No one, not even your false idols are unscared,
Contrary to what popular opinion cared,

Names immortalised, never to be knocked off the pedestal,
From humans to gods, from gods to a false idol,
One man’s god is another’s devil
Swearing to end all strife, wars and evil,

But who decides what’s wrong and what’s right,
You, who believes that right is might?
Because there is difference between right and religion,
Cleansing isn’t always the solution,

And the likes of you could never know true pain,
Scowling at a fresh winter morning, just after the rain,
Between faith and felony; oh, there is a difference,
And you will tell this tale in a tavern, ages and ages hence,

That you were a false idol, broken and alone,
But the revolution against you had massively grown,
Now, the “heroes” are torn from the history books,
Because everything is finally as it looks.
ANVI TUTEJA

-with you till the end of the line, pal-

Anvi Tuteja, Experiences, Poems

Love Yourself Like I Do Myself

April 25, 2021April 26, 2021 anvituteja

Made me believe I was living a lie for someone else,
But I don’t need you to love me, because I already love myself,
My flaws, my misconceptions, my defections- they make me who I am,
No, I’m perfect as I am; no, not any corrections to the programme,

You left me all alone – crying and brokenhearted,
But I still needed this love – while it lasted,
But you never loved me for who I was,
Just a wandering, meandering spirit – meant to be lost,

I’m older now, but I miss the days when I was naïve,
I used to believe the perfect guy would come and find me,
Even after all the hardships, the cracks in my armour,
I will always remember you, the perfect charmer,

But you made me broken, made me insecure,
At night your jeering voices, still come to lure,
But then I learned a secret rare,
Something I pass to you, with more than a dare,

All I can say at the end of the day – Love Yourself Like I Do Myself,
Don’t ever compromise, don’t live for someone else,
You only get one life, use it, cherish it, love it,
For without your permission, no one can break your spirit,

I love myself, my flaws, my imperfections,
I know my mistakes, but I still laugh like interjections,
And that’s the secret of destiny, the flavour to life,
If you love yourself, no one can make you feel strife,

And it’s six months later, I’ve never been better,
No need to be perfect, be charming – right down to the letter,
Because I Love Myself Like There’s No One Else,
Because this life that I’m living, well, it’s all for myself.
ANVI TUTEJA

-with you till the end of the line, pal-

Anvi Tuteja, Poems

Breathe

April 25, 2021April 23, 2021 anvituteja

They tell me to do more and try to be better,
Perfect and Charming, right down to the letter,
But I just need moment, yeah, I just need a moment,
To breathe; But I’m sorry, no comment,

How do I tell them I’m done? How do I tell them they’re only stories,
How do I tell them their real life isn’t my reality? That I was meant for better glories,
I was not meant to sit at home and look pretty,
I am strong and brave and smart and witty,

Give me a moment, a moment to breathe,
I can do it, but what of the sorrows beneath?
I’m scared of what they’ll do to me,
I’ve seen things I wish to unsee,

Reality is abstract, different, not yours, not mine,
Freaked out, Insecure, Neurotic, Emotional; yeah, I’m just FINE,
I’m done fighting, I’m done living for someone else,
I’m finally free, free to breathe, free to believe, that I can finally be, myself.
ANVI TUTEJA

-with you till the end of the line, pal-

Anvi Tuteja, Notice, Poems

Coming Soon: Breathe

April 23, 2021 anvituteja

“How do I tell them their real life isn’t my reality?”
ANVI TUTEJA

Anvi Tuteja, Poems

Intrepid Eternal Unravels

April 23, 2021 anvituteja

Careful how much you end up pushing me away,
You never know how much I’ll end up liking it there,
And my flaws; huh, like I don’t end up thinking of them every single day,
But if you say it one more time, I’m done I swear,

Because Remember, Time is money and money is mine,
And I won’t fight for love if you won’t meet me halfway,
So tell me what you want, or get out of this mind of mine,
And your excuses won’t work anymore, no matter what they say,

That’s what I love about inked words,
You can’t ever change love to hate,
That truly lasts forever, no changes to new hurts,
Whatever’s been said has been said, now it’s too late,

Because it’s done and dusted, the chapter’s published,
And you should know this isn’t a licence to hate you,
But whatever was said was never meant to be public,
I would have stayed forever, you know, but what to do?

But I was meant for more than this,
More than a loop of your intrepid eternal unravels,
I was meant to be something unseen before, no reminiscence,
But now through the stages of sorrow, the miss in misery, I must travel,

Because you broke me down, ripped out the page,
Like an unsung hero, that history forgot,
And it’s the end of decade, but the beginning of an age,
But dealing with the fact, that you just left like that; yeah, that’s a lot,

I fought all the dragons, I conquered all the beasts,
But that was nothing compared to what you did to me!
Now they think it’s the devil, yeah, all them priests,
And maybe it is, but I don’t care as long as it’s you I never see,

Hey, listen, because I don’t have the world nor the luxury of time,
Stay out of my way, and stay out of my life,
Hey, by the way, How’s your heart after breaking mine?
I don’t really care what you do, ’cause you caused me so much pain, war and strife,

So do what you got to do as long as it’s nothing to do with me,
Because I’m the hero and you’re just another adversary,
And now I’m living for me, not you or any idiot with a key,
And all those insecurities and flaws you made me believe, are no longer in sanctuary.
ANVI TUTEJA

-with you till the end of the line, pal-

Anvi Tuteja, Poems

Coming Soon: False Idol

April 22, 2021April 23, 2021 anvituteja

There are no heroes in the history books,
Because not everything is as it looks.
No one, not even your false idols are unscared,
Contrary to what popular opinion cared…
ANVI TUTEJA

Anvi Tuteja, Experiences, Poems

Insecure

April 20, 2021 anvituteja

Yes, I’m insecure,
And no, they really isn’t any cure,
But you never really cared about that, did you?
To you, I was just another name in the books, one-two,

I have always wondered, why I was such a hesitant dancer,
Well, now I think I finally have my answer,
I have always wondered, why I was too afraid to reach for the sky,
Well, now I think I finally know why,

It was always you, you, you,
I don’t know why I believed this was true, true, true,
You’re so casually cruel, yeah, out of sight-out of mind,
My flaws, you never forget to remind,

Like I don’t already think of them, every single day of my life,
Yeah, but unlike you, they saw me through all the pain, war and strife,
Why, Why, Why did you have to hijack this mind of mine,
Was this all just a ploy – a way to get me to cosign,

Was this all a game to you? Well, it was my life,
And I should’ve seen it coming, the knife,
Yeah, you made me hate myself,
Made me think I was living for someone else,

But now your taunting’s useless,
Yeah, It’s next to nothingness,
I finally grew up, got used to the spotlight,
Finally believed I was someone who deserved this right,

I’m better now, thank you, next,
I finally realised that – more isn’t less,
No, I’m not insecure anymore,
Finally became something even greater than folklore.
ANVI TUTEJA

-with you till the end of the line, pal-

Anvi Tuteja, Poems

Enigma Part II

April 19, 2021April 19, 2021 anvituteja

I like to believe, the world could be anything I want it to be,
With the openness of mind and freedom of thought, Everything I see –
Could someday become a true reality…

I like to believe, the world could be anything I want it to be,
With the feeling and emotion and laughter, I can finally be me –
And all of my thoughts will last an eternity…

The world needs repairing, it’s broken and damaged,
Men have destroyed it with the wars they had ravaged,
My beautiful world, what have they done to you?
My beautiful world, why didn’t you take me too?

And now I know that I must do everything I knew I could,
Need to protect the ones just like you and me, the misunderstood,
Now I finally understand, my destiny in this world,
I can finally face the challenges that at me were hurled,

This is a new day, a new hope, a new beginning,
But all my chances of change are thinning,
I must create a new world, one sought after by many,
With smiles and laughter and resources – available plenty,

And I must be their saviour, their saviour true and immortal,
For they are stuck in peril, deep and mortal,
I will be what wasn’t there before,
I will be something greater than folklore,

And I must be the perfect enigma,
Instilling them with confidence, hope and charisma,
That is my eternal destiny that I will uphold,
I will create a new world from the ashes of the old –
Watch and behold…
ANVI TUTEJA

-with you till the end of the line, pal-