Anvi Tuteja, Short Stories, Write-Ups

Judged and Found Wanting: A Verdict by Anvi Tuteja

My name was carved on a rock outside our home the night I was born. That’s what my parents tell me. It was etched in jagged letters with the cryptic inscription Name of Your Child preceding it. 

***

The rock had always been a source of intrigue, and mystery for me. Ever since the first time my parents told me the story – when I was six years old, staring up at my parents, spellbound – I have been captivated by my naming grace – a rock, believe it or not.

They told me it was Fate. The Fates themselves had come to bless me on my day of birth. With their strings of life, a new strand was created – just for me, and was imbibed in the roots of the most ancient tree, or so the legend went. By their transformative magic, the Fates breathed my name onto the root and a rock emerged, bearing my name.

“But what happened to the rock?” I asked them when I grew up.

“Well, it disappeared the day after we named you.” 

“And the tree?” I inquired. “What happened to the most ancient tree, thrice blessed by the Fates?”

“It still grows in our yard, serving as a remembrance of the spirit living on in you.”

All of this felt too cryptic, too convenient, and definitely, more than a little conspicuous. Thus, one fine, boiling, summer afternoon, usual for the month of July, I reached the so called ‘ancient tree’, hidden among the dozens of others in our yard, though a more apt word would be forest or even the woodland behind our house.

The tree looked nothing special, certainly not special enough to worthy of the Three Fates themselves. I peered carefully ‘round it’s slightly yellowing bark, reddish-green leaves and glanced at the small, almost completely invisible inscription under the third branch on the left. My Initials.

I had discovered them ages ago, and as far as I knew, no one but me could see them. I showed them to my parents, friends, the neighbourhood mailman and even my family dog – Daisy. Their only reaction had been a nonchalant glance, a bored shrug, a concerned shoulder pat and a quizzical bark. (The last one clearly being Daisy’s reaction – before she ran around the trees, looking for a stick for me to throw.)

I brushed my fingers against the mark; it was cold as ice. I frowned. That was strange, in this boiling heat, it should have been warm, at the very least, if not sizzling. I traced the elaborate curves of the letter, and suddenly, a freezing wind suddenly broke through the humid July weather.

The chilly breeze had me clinging to the tree’s trunk as it was dizzyingly frigid. It seemed to pull at my very soul and turned my veins to ice. I heard a thousand sorrows in my mind, and a plaguing scream struck through my mind. The water droplets clung to my skin and reminded me of my worst nightmares – it was all too much for me. I was starting to fade away…

And soon, somehow, as mysteriously as it first arrived, it dissipated, and the temperature around me cooled, as the leaves of the ancient tree stopped swaying. But I noticed that every other tree was still being pulled into the freezing wind, shaking desperately with each howl of the wind.

As soon as I stepped out of the protective radius of the tree, the sinking, freezing feeling returned and I clawed my way back desperately to the tree, which was somehow protecting me from the gales.

I once again brushed my palm against the Initials and they seemed to work as a trigger, and the hellish wind once again ceased, but this time – seemingly for good.

I was shellshocked, and I leaned with my back against the tree to suck in a breath of sweet mercy and life. Sweet, precious life, which I would never gamble with again.

A terrible thought rooted in my mind, and I could not stop it from flourishing. With a sinking feeling in my stomach, I knew where I had heard of that cold, hellish feeling before.

It was from the birthplace of the Fates – the residence of the unWanted’s of the Mourning Fields and the destroyer of souls. The plaguing noises were a Calling from the Underworld themselves. Hades’ minions were Calling to me and the terrible sounds were the screams of the Damned in Tartarus. The water which now still clung to my skin was from the Acheron, born of the Styx and the Cocytus, hatred and misery, uniting to form pain.

My knees gave out and I sunk to the ground, one arm still wrapped around the tree trunk for support that could no longer help me, carry me and I realised, protect me. The tree had protected me for years, and now, by foolishly invoking Hades’ daimons, I had revoked that protection and turned my back on the Fates.

My head leaned back against the tree, and I heard a piercing voice in my head, that somehow seemed to echo all around me. The cruel laughing voice was instantly recognizable. Hades.

“Desire is a dangerous thing, little Mortal,” he tutted, still laughing. “You shall pay for the sins of your past life. Your misdemeanours in Elysium’s fields. Your curious misadventures in the Mourning Fields. Wandering in Asphodel can make you mortals insane; did you forget that?” he taunted.

And, delivering the death blow, he said: “You had been warned, Mortal. And now you have been cursed. You have been judged and have been found Wanting.”

And his cruel laugh echoed, like a poisoned rose’s thorn, a lost heir’s birth right, and the broken crown’s shine, all the way down to the Underworld.

Fin.

ANVI TUTEJA
Will This Be The Ending?

Anvi Tuteja, Experiences, Poems

Love Feels Like Loneliness

I don’t know this feeling, it’s a dragging in my soul,
I don’t know how I’m gonna come out of this- complete and whole,
I can’t tell if I’m still thinking,
Don’t even know now, how to keep on living,

I sit here alone in the dark,
On a terrifying tale, has my soul embark,
And now I know, now I’m mature,
Mature enough to know – it’s all part of nature,

Now I know the despairs,
Of a broken heart rare,
They tried to shield me from the dangers,
But they just pushed me away, and now we feel like strangers,

And now I know, sometimes – Love Feels Like Loneliness,
And your love has now turned to carelessness,
You did what was you though was best and I thank you for that,
But I haven’t heard from you in years, and I don’t know where you’re at,

I loved you both, I loved them all, but you left me behind,
And thoughts and what ifs are all that do surround my mind,
Your Love Feels Like Loneliness, and there’s nothing I can do,
That’ll make you stay, ’cause you’re already on your way, (that’s true,)

And I know that I’ll be fine, someday, yeah, someday,
But all I know is that someday, isn’t going to be, no god forbid, today,
And now you’re out of this mind of mine,
And no, I’m never going to be fine,

Because yes, I loved you, and I think that I still do,
Yes, I now that I do, but do you?
Because to me, your Love Feels Like Loneliness,
But to you, did my love feels like Nothingness?

L – O – N – E – L – Y, why don’t you stop living that lie,
L – O – N – E – L – Y, how do you feel? Tell me why?
And I love you, but I don’t think you know – this is for you,
Especially after all I’ve done, you wouldn’t know if I was true,

But this is sorry, not goodbye, because I still love you after all them lies,
You did it for my own good, and I didn’t know about my wiles,
And I love you, because Your Love Feels Like Loneliness,
And I never realised how much, I needed your Happiness.
ANVI TUTEJA


-with you till the end of the line, pal-


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Anvi Tuteja, Experiences, Poems

Love Yourself Like I Do Myself

Made me believe I was living a lie for someone else,
But I don’t need you to love me, because I already love myself,
My flaws, my misconceptions, my defections- they make me who I am,
No, I’m perfect as I am; no, not any corrections to the programme,

You left me all alone – crying and brokenhearted,
But I still needed this love – while it lasted,
But you never loved me for who I was,
Just a wandering, meandering spirit – meant to be lost,

I’m older now, but I miss the days when I was naïve,
I used to believe the perfect guy would come and find me,
Even after all the hardships, the cracks in my armour,
I will always remember you, the perfect charmer,

But you made me broken, made me insecure,
At night your jeering voices, still come to lure,
But then I learned a secret rare,
Something I pass to you, with more than a dare,

All I can say at the end of the day – Love Yourself Like I Do Myself,
Don’t ever compromise, don’t live for someone else,
You only get one life, use it, cherish it, love it,
For without your permission, no one can break your spirit,

I love myself, my flaws, my imperfections,
I know my mistakes, but I still laugh like interjections,
And that’s the secret of destiny, the flavour to life,
If you love yourself, no one can make you feel strife,

And it’s six months later, I’ve never been better,
No need to be perfect, be charming – right down to the letter,
Because I Love Myself Like There’s No One Else,
Because this life that I’m living, well, it’s all for myself.
ANVI TUTEJA


-with you till the end of the line, pal-


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Anvi Tuteja, Experiences, Poems

Insecure

Yes, I’m insecure,
And no, they really isn’t any cure,
But you never really cared about that, did you?
To you, I was just another name in the books, one-two,

I have always wondered, why I was such a hesitant dancer,
Well, now I think I finally have my answer,
I have always wondered, why I was too afraid to reach for the sky,
Well, now I think I finally know why,

It was always you, you, you,
I don’t know why I believed this was true, true, true,
You’re so casually cruel, yeah, out of sight-out of mind,
My flaws, you never forget to remind,

Like I don’t already think of them, every single day of my life,
Yeah, but unlike you, they saw me through all the pain, war and strife,
Why, Why, Why did you have to hijack this mind of mine,
Was this all just a ploy – a way to get me to cosign,

Was this all a game to you? Well, it was my life,
And I should’ve seen it coming, the knife,
Yeah, you made me hate myself,
Made me think I was living for someone else,

But now your taunting’s useless,
Yeah, It’s next to nothingness,
I finally grew up, got used to the spotlight,
Finally believed I was someone who deserved this right,

I’m better now, thank you, next,
I finally realised that – more isn’t less,
No, I’m not insecure anymore,
Finally became something even greater than folklore.
ANVI TUTEJA


-with you till the end of the line, pal-


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Anvi Tuteja, Experiences, Poems

Broken

Hey guys, Anvi here. Presenting to you – Broken; a new poem for the start of the month. A reminder that being fooled isn’t cowardly. It’s brave, because you cannot asses a person’s worth by when they’re being broken but by when they pick up the pieces and make themselves whole again.
This was inspired by an experience in my life, though it is heavily exaggerated – like a mountain of a molehill.

You were the first to break me,
Did you ever care, just maybe?
My heart is shattered, here all alone,
I’m battered, and you just check your phone,

It was just a throwaway comment,
You said it nonchalantly, spur of the moment,
Lulling me in with that false sense of security,
Laughing, left all pretences of maturity,

And maybe I’m making a mountain of a molehill, and it’s unbecoming,
But I’ve got to admit, I didn’t ever see the knife coming,
And your words, your rumours, your weapons that you pointed at me,
It was the betrayal, the deception, the salt in the wound, straight from the sea,

I hate the way you’re so casually cruel,
Lured me in, and made me act like the fool,
But now I know the truth, as clear as a mirror in the night,
You revelled in my despair, raved in my plight,

But now I hope you’re happy because this is goodbye,
I saw through all your deceits, your pretences and your lies,
The likes of you could never break my spirit,
And to your excuses, tell them this – I don’t want to hear it,

You think you broke me, but you just poked a sleeping dragon,
I will live my destiny and reach the heights you can’t even imagine,
I will never be broken, I will never be defeated,
To win the battles, oh you lied and cheated,

But know this – you could never attain victory,
For I will be the hero, and you won’t even be a footnote in history,
You may have left me to the scorching West Wind,
But you never left as much as a fingerprint on my mind.
ANVI TUTEJA


-with you till the end of the line, pal-


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Anvi Tuteja, Experiences, Imageries, Poems

Preserve

Fourth in the Forevermore Series – Preserve:

They say, “You will always be judged on your own merits,”
When someone else fails, not yours is the credit,
But that’s just ridiculous when the judging’s relative,
When I know I was the true winner, how can I be anything but negative?

They say I got what I deserved,
Only that which can be, must be preserved,
I’m sorry I couldn’t hold on,
But my ideas are my downfall – from dusk to dawn,

Now they’re taking revenge,
I’m sorry our love, I could not avenge,
And the others tell me to leave, and go whence I came,
But how do I tell them, nothing ever stays the same,

I came in here – bold as brass,
I scoffed and jeered at them to let me pass,
But now it’s come to bite me back, like a knife in the back,
And now they tell me, my last is on the track,

I’m sorry, I couldn’t preserve my sanity,
I was blinded by misconceptions, beauty and vanity,
So I’m sorry, because I cannot fight back much longer,
But I couldn’t hold on, because my fears were made to be conquered.
ANVI TUTEJA


-with you till the end of the line, pal-


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Anvi Tuteja, Experiences, Poems

Right Here

Third in the Forevermore series – Right Here.

If I didn’t know better,
I’d say you were listening to me now,
If I didn’t know better,
I’d say you were still around,
But you didn’t stay dead,

You’re still alive, alive in my head,
If I had known, I’d have kept every hastily scrawled sheet,
Because every scrap of you had been taken from me,
I’d say you were right here,
Before I realized you were just a mortal mere,
Now I know better, heard the clacks in the ground,
But I still feel you, in the sky, all around.
ANVI TUTEJA


-with you till the end of the line, pal-


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Anvi Tuteja, Experiences, Poems

Don’t You Think

They say, “Come out of your head and into the real world,”
It’s the place where you’ll be really seen and heard,

And I say, “Don’t you think that I’ve tryin’,
Don’t you think I’ve been up all night cryin’,
Don’t you think I’ve been really sighin’,
Don’t you think I’ve been inside dying,”

Don’t you think, Don’t you think, but no, you couldn’t care less,
To you I’m just a pretty face in a dress,
But now I’m done, I must confess,
Because I’m so much more than what you guessed,

And I’m so much more than how I was seen,
Because I can be everything that I’ve dreamed.

ANVI TUTEJA


-with you till the end of the line, pal-


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Anvi Tuteja, Imageries, Poems

Living Daymares

My beautiful world,
Oh, how you have changed,
My beautiful world,
Oh, the variations that you have made,

The only one I trusted,
But now my faith’s been rusted,
They say, that the past is the past,
Give me one chance, and here I will last,

In these shadows, the memories that we shared,
Come to haunt me, like a living daymare,
What’s done is done,
You’re never coming back now.

ANVI TUTEJA


-with you till the end of the line, pal-


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Anvi Tuteja, Quotes and More, Short Stories, Write-Ups

Euripides’ Medea and Life

“Stronger than Lover’s Love is Lover’s Hate,
Incurable in each, the wounds they make.”
Euripedes’ Medea

When Jason went to retrieve the Golden Fleece to ensure prosperity and bountiful harvests for all of Greece, he journeyed to Colchis. The Greeks believed Colchis was at the edge of the known world, and Jason’s journey was a dangerous and perilous one, but one of honour to restore his throne and kingdom.
Upon reaching Colchis, Medea, the princess of Colchis fell in love with Jason, by the will of the goddesses: Aphrodite, Athena and Hera.
Medea’s father, the King, was not impressed with this upstart Greek and said that if he wanted the Golden Fleece, he would have to get it himself…past a fire-breathing dragon and skeletal soldiers.
Medea, a sorceress, vowed to help Jason if he would take her away with him to Greece. Jason agreed and with the help of Medea, he stole the Golden Fleece. They sailed off to Greece, but fell in danger every step of the way, because of a curse Medea had bestowed upon them when she killed her own brother under the facade of a truce.

Medea, a tragedy by Euripides, performed in 431 BCE. One of Euripides’ most powerful and best-known plays, Medea is a remarkable story of injustice, ruthless revenge and the mistreatment of a woman.
When Jason casts Medea off and decides to marry the Princess of Corinth, Medea is determined on revenge, and after a dreadful mental struggle between her passionate sense of injury and her love for her children, she decides to punish her husband by murdering both her sons and his future wife. She steels herself to commit these deeds and then escapes in the chariot of her grandfather, the sun-god Helios, leaving Jason without even the satisfaction of punishing her for her crimes. Euripides succeeds in evoking sympathy for the figure of Medea, who becomes, to some extent a representative of women’s oppression in general.

Now that we’ve got the backstory stuff covered, I want to talk about the real reason I chose to share this quote with all of you.
Let’s get the quote back here:
“Stronger than Lover’s Love is Lover’s Hate,
Incurable in each, the wounds they make.”

What is the difference between hatred and love? What is the difference between a wound and a scar? What is the difference between weakness and strength?
The answer, ladies and gentlemen, is time. Time heals all wounds. As the saying goes, Life Goes On.
It’s true, Life goes on, irrespective of you and your emotions. Nothing, not even the gods, can stop the cruel, inexorable and relentless passage of time.
But time yields wonderful results, the blooming of a flower, the growth of a child, the progress of humanity. So my advice, to everyone, today, is to live in the present. Enjoy life as it comes. As a great man once said,
“Life is what happens to us while we are busy making other plans.”
Thank you all. Stay Safe.
ANVI TUTEJA


-with you till the end of the line, pal-


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